Jude: I can tell basset hounds from beagles because their ears go downer.  And they look messier.

Jude: I was just using this flashlight to look at Buster.  I looked in his ears.  And his fur.  And I was just about to look in his nose.  If he stands up, I might look in his butt.

Ezra: Guess what? Ryan asked Bella out on a date and she said maybe!
Me: Wow! How do you know?
Ezra: Everybody knows it!  Everybody was telling everybody! Isn't that kind of young?
Lauren: I guess some people start earlier than others.
Ezra: Not me!  I didn't think you had to start finding somebody you wanted to marry until middle school!

Me: Go try to use the bathroom before we go to baseball practice.
Jude: I don't need to.
Me: Remember how there's no bathroom there and last time you had to go pee in the woods and that was kind of uncomfortable?
Jude: Actually that was actually kind of fine.

Me: How about you, Ezra?  Have you met anybody you might want to marry yet?
Ezra: Well, I don't really know what all my options are yet.  And I don't need to decide that until I'm like a teenager probably.

Jude: Less than a year until my birthday!!

Ezra: Mommy, there's a piece of the peach pit in my smoothie.
Me: Oh, sorry.
Ezra: At first I thought it was one of my teeth.

Jude: Ezra, come here. (puts his hands on Ezra's cheeks) BUUUURRRP.

Jude: Mommy, can you look up what's the biggest city in the world?  Why can't I have some chips?

Jude: How long will I be in kindergarten?  A few years?

Jude: Why do we have to go the gym all the time?  It reminds me of DEATH.

Ezra: How many of your tadpoles died?
Jude: Three.
Ezra: All of ours died.
Jude: All...all of it?
Ezra: Yep.
Jude: Did you touch them?
Ezra: No.
Jude: Good. Did you put soap in the water?
Ezra: No.
Jude: That's good.

Jude: Mama, that cloud looks like a girl doggie and a ice cream cone.
Lauren: How do you know it's a girl dog?
Jude: It has a ponytail.

Me: Did the ladies at the Y try to talk to you?
Jude: Yes.
Me: Did you talk to them?
Jude: I only say one thing.
Me: What was that?
Jude: "I need to go to the bathroom."  Other than that, I just ignore them.

Ezra: Mommy, did you know that being around turkeys makes you sleepy?

Ezra: I already hurt this part of my leg and this part of my leg.  When am I going to hurt this part of my leg?
Jude: Now!  [Whap!]

Ezra: Can I go late to Keenan's birthday party?
Me: Why?
Ezra: Keenan asked me to.
Me: You mean early?
Ezra: Wait, what's the difference?

Ezra: Should I wear short pants?
Me: You could wear shorts, but you'd be pretty cold this morning.
Ezra: No, I was thinking I'd just wear short pants and pull my socks way up.

Jude: Are we going to the gym?
Me: Yep.
Jude: I not going to the gym!  It'll make me die!
Ezra: That was what you said when you didn't want to eat a taco.

Jude: Kick your big butt!
Ezra: I'll take that as a compliment.

Ever: You're pretty weird.
Ezra: Woulda, coulda, shoulda.

Ezra: It would be cool if they were real knights from the past.  Like Rip van Tinkle.  He woke up and he was in a different time zone.

Jude: Mommy, I VERY wish we could have a flying car.  And I wish we could have a pet wooverween [wolverine].

Me: Be quiet, Buster!
Jude: Or you could just tell him to ...S.....U.....T.....U.....P.

Jude: Mommy, I never color in stuff a lot, and I'm super good!  How did that happen?

Jude: Mommy, I'm bored.
Me: Okay, what do you want to do?
Jude: I don't know.  That's what bored means.

The first thing Jude said to me this morning:
Jude: Mommy, what happens if you don't bury a dead human?

Jude (apropos of nothing): You know there's no such thing as flying butts.  Unless somebody slices off a butt and puts a jetpack on it.

Jude: Something's wrong with all my food.  Except my orange juice.
Ezra: That's because orange juice isn't food.
Jude: Food is crunchy stuff, Ezwa?
Ezra: Food is solid.
Jude: What "solid" mean, Ezwa?
Ezra: Like if you threw it at somebody it would hurt.

Ezra: Mommy, something was funny.  On the first day back, it was like Christmas break never happened.  It was like it was only a night or something.  Surprisingly, no one forgot anybody's name.

When I insisted Jude eat a piece of tofu at dinner, he threw up his entire meal on the table.  Ten minutes later:
Lauren: Did you eat some plastic on this candy cane?
Jude: I did eat plastic, but it's not bad.