Jude: Mommy, you know what's the worst thing to do?
Me: What's the worst thing to do?
Jude: Play in a worm.

I had a pile of paper bags from the grocery store and went to ask Ezra if he wanted them for a craft project, but on the way I passed Jude and thought, I should ask him too. It's not fair to let Ezra get first dibs on everything because he's older. Jude's certainly old enough to make crafts and have his own opinions.

Me: Jude, do you want these paper bags for a craft project?
Jude: Ask Ezwa.

Guest (to Jude): Bye, Ezra! Thanks for having us over!
Jude: I'm not Ezra. Go away. Bye.

Twenty minutes into reading bedtime stories in the tent, Jude said he had to run inside to get something, and came back with a My Little Ponies coloring book (with no crayons).
Me: What's that for?
Jude: It's to look at in case I get bored.
Me: I don't think you're going to have a chance to get bored. We're just reading stories a little longer and then we'll go to sleep.
Jude: I'm bored already.

Dentist: Open wide, like you're eating a hotdog.
Ezra: Weeeell, I'm a vegetarian, so it would have to be a veggie hotdog.

3-year-old trash talk during a game of Robot Against Robot: Who is the powerful, you or me? ME.

Jude: Mommy, when me and Ezra are grown-ups, can we sleep in the guest room?

Ezra: Mommy, at our hotel, is there a lounge?
Me: ...I don't know.
Ezra: And also, what's a lounge?

Ezra: What's that?
Me: A gnat.
Ezra: What's a gnat?
Me: It's that.

Playing LEGOs:
Ezra: My name is Snail, and I have laser eyes.
Jude: ...good job.

Me: What do y'all want to do this afternoon? We could go to a playground, ...
Jude: GO TO A PLAYGROUND!
Ezra: Playgrounds are the worstest things ever.
Jude: Oh yeah, I forgot.

Ezra: After you and Jude drop me off at LEGO camp, you'll leave and you can invite a friend and have a---
Jude: TEA PARTY!!

Lauren: Did you tell the kids they could stay up late and watch a movie?
Me: Yeah! And I told them I'd go out and buy ice cream and cookies for them to eat while they watched it, and that afterwards, instead of going to bed, we'd put them in the car and drive straight to Disney World!
Lauren: I figured.

Ezra: I can make gingerbread men, and gingerbread animals, and gingerbread angels, and gingerbread devils.
Jude: Can you make devils, Ezwa? 'Cause I know you like devils.
Ezra: Uh, do you even know what a devil is? A devil is a bad fairy.

After a couple of pints with my sister and her family at Highland Brewing Company:
Me: I hope when you and Jude are grown up and married and have kids you can hang out and have a good time over a beer too!
Ezra: Well, we cannot get married, because there's a rule that brothers and sisters cannot marry each other.

Jude: There's a 'mingo in the river!!
[Actually an egret in the inlet. Still cool.]