Me: Hunh. I found what was making that burning smell yesterday. This plastic lid fell in the dishwasher and landed on the heating element and melted.
Jude: I think a monster burn it up.
Me: That's an alternate theory.

Jude: Mommy, your hair look like jellyfish.
Me: Thank you.

Jude's been playing preschool with his stuffed animals lately, where he lines them up on Lauren's lap and has her make them talk while he reads them books, and it's adorable. Or at least it was, until he started smacking them in their faces with the book afterward.
Jude: Line up their faces so I can hit them with the book. Mama, hold Spiderman's face so I can hit him.
Lauren: Is that what the assistant does at preschool?

Ezra: John [Jude's imaginary friend] likes going to Chuck E. Cheese.
Me: Oh, is John your imaginary friend now too?
Ezra: Well, I only met him once.

Me (for the third time): Ezra, you need to get dressed NOW.
Ezra (yelling): OKAY, not-nice Mommy! And not making good rules and not nice to children!

Rich (Age 4): I hate baby shows. Do you like baby shows?
Ezra: ...uh, well..
Rich: Because Jude likes them?
Ezra: Well, I like baby shows because I like babies.

As I'm carefully writing Ezra's name in block letters on the back of his LeapPad.
Ezra: You're doing a great job, Mommy! Nice quality work!
Me: Thanks.
Ezra: What's funny?
Me: That just sounded like something you probably heard at kindergarten.
Ezra: We do do quality work at kindergarten.

An hour ago, Ezra sliced up a banana then left it on the counter. Jude sat beside it and asked, "What's that? Sammy throw up?"

Me: I think Ms. Stephanie [student teacher] looks a lot like Ms. Heather [kindergarten teacher], don't you?
Ezra: Well, Ms. Heather has these kind of little lines on her face, kind of like a moustache. You have them too.
Me: Yes, wrinkles. Thanks.

Ezra: Here, Jude, this is a treasure map for you.
Jude: Ohhh, wow! Thank you!
Ezra: You're welcome.
Jude: Where it come from?
Ezra: I made it.
Jude: You made it??

In a public restroom.

Jude: Is this for big kids or little kids?
Me: This is the women's restroom, but it's okay for you to be in here, because you're with a woman.
Jude: Who's a woman?
Me: I'm a woman.
Jude: You are Mommy. Not a woman.

Ezra: I'm the only wegetarian kid in my class. Well, one of the teachers is a wegetarian, but I'm the only kid that's a wegetarian. When you and Mama die, me and Jude can decide if we want to eat meat. ... Why are you laughing?