I put Ezra to work sorting a large pile of socks and he trained Jude as his helper, but apparently Jude was goofing off too much for his liking, so he told him, "Jude, this is not a game! ...Well, it is a game, but it's not a funny game."

Jude was crying about something and pushed me aside.
Me: Ow, my knee!
Jude: No, dat's MY knee!

Jude: No, gwaapes! More GWAAAAPES!
Ezra: Jude, you know how you talk for stuff you want? You do not in a whining voice.

Ezra: Jude, you're the best toddler I ever had.

Me: Okay, Jude, let's get your clean diaper on.
Jude (points to his butt): It's right here.
Me: Yep. Thanks.
Jude (points to his penis): I have a penis right here.
Me: Yep.

Bedtime story.
Lauren: Ezra and Jude were on a spaceship in outer space and they looked out and saw all the stars and planets. The first planet they were going to visit was...
Ezra: Mars! Except they have to be careful because there are mean aliens there and spaceships that suck people up.
Lauren: who were they going to visit there?
Ezra: well there are good aliens and bad aliens. Actually there are 3 kinds of aliens. One is named John and he is kind of hard to describe, but he looks like a tree. The next one is named Jack but he is only there on Saturdays. The last one is Dan--he has a green head and he lives on Jupiter but visits Mars.

Changing a diaper. Me: No, stop, you just put your foot in the poop! Hold still, I'll clean it. Jude: Yeah dat's wight.

Me: We have friends coming over this morning, Jude. Jude: OH, dat's COOL!

Me: I'd like to clean up the playroom a little before our friends get here.
Ezra: Uh, you go get started on it. I'll catch up.

We're listening to a song with a verse that goes, "I'm a little owl and my daddy loves me/ I'm a little owl and my mommy loves me/, when they tuck me in to say goodnight, they say/ 'Hoo hoo hoo little owl, good night," and Ezra said, "That must be in the morning."

Ezra: Mommy, do gnomes only come at Christmas?
Me: What? No.
Ezra: Then when do gnomes come?
Me: Gnomes don't come.

Ezra: When will be at the Mountain Play Lodge?
Me: In about 5-10 minutes.
Ezra: How long is that? Like as long as I go to kindergarten?
Me: No, not that long. It's not very long. Five to ten minutes is about as long as it takes to.......do one of your smaller puzzles, like the one with all the animals that you did this morning.
Ezra: My 110 piece puzzle?
Me: No, that one takes a long time. I mean the old one with all the animals that you did this morning that doesn't have as many pieces.
Ezra: Which one? I don't know another puzzle with animals.
Me: The one you did THIS MORNING. With the animals all standing on each other's backs.
Ezra: I don't know that puzzle. Will you show it to me when we get home?
Me: We'll be at the Mountain Play Lodge by the time this conversation is over.

The kids are really dissing my domestic skills this week. Twice when he saw me preparing dinner, Ezra asked, "What are you trying to make, Mommy?" and Jude just saw me filling up the mop bucket and asked, "Make pasta?"

Parenting WINS in the last 24 hours:
Ezra: Mommy, can I have some snowpeas for a snack?
and
Ezra: Mama, can you get me a couple more equilateral triangles?

Lauren had to work late, so the kids and I ate dinner without her. When I was passing rolls, Ezra said, "Remember to save one for Mama." I said, "We will. We'll save her two or three." Ezra said, "I think two will be fine."

I was cuddling with Jude the other morning when he whispered to himself, "I'm right here." I need to try to be more like a two-year-old.

Ezra, showing me his drawings: And this is the Little Blue Truck and a tree, and it's orange because it's fall, and this is a farmer, and this is hay, and this is the sky. [stacking papers] I'm making my website.

Ezra's never seen Star Wars, but he keeps hearing it referenced. He just showed me latest drawing, and when I asked him what it was, he said, "A star from Star Wars."

Me (skeptically reading a recipe): Oh well, we might as well try it, huh?
Jude: It's yummy. I want to try it, huh.

Buster jumped in Jude's lap and Jude smiled and petted him and said, "Oh no, what's the matter?"

Jude is harassing Buster and singing "Happy birthday, penis, happy birthday, penis!"

Ezra: Ghosts are not scary. Ghosts are like clouds that can talk.

Ezra (playing with Magna-tiles): Is this a diamond?
Me: Actually, that's a pyramid.
Ezra: What's a pyramid?
Me: Pyramids are shapes where all the sides are triangles.
Ezra: Actually, pyramids are big triangles that live in the desert.

Ezra: Mama, can you get Buster out of here? He's nervousing me.

Lauren showed Ezra and Jude that old viral video of the laughing quadruplets and Jude went running out of the room going, "Mommy, I scared! I scared of the babies!"