Jude: He has a boyfriend?
Me: Yeah.
Jude: Can a boy marry a boy?
Me: Yeah.
Jude: Well, I don't know who I gonna marry, but I not gonna marry anybody.

Me: Weren't you wearing underpants when you went to preschool this morning?
Jude: Yeah.
Me: What happened to them?
Jude: I peed on them a little bit.
Me: Oh. So where are they?
Jude: I put them in the bag with my extra clothes.

In the bath, Jude's wagging his butt in Ezra's face.
Ezra: Jude, you've got some poop on your butt.
Jude: I gone wipe it on you! You da toilet paper, you da toilet paper!

Jude: Mommy, the body swap is today?
Me: ...the what?
Jude: YOU KNOW. The thing your friends are coming to.
Me: Ooooh. The clothing swap.

Playing a conversation game called Family Talk.
Me: Ezra, here's your question: "What's the scariest thing that ever happened to you?"
Ezra: ....Probably that time you forgot about me and left me in the store and then Mama came back and found me.
Me: What? Baby, I never left you in a store. That didn't happen.
Ezra: Really? I thought that happened.
Me: No. Maybe you dreamed it.
Ezra: Then that dream was the scariest thing that ever happened to me.

Ezra: ...and the Enderdragon is like, a FOOT long.
Me: Wow.
Ezra: And not like a little kid's foot, like a grown-up foot!

Me: Hmmm, I see someone took the lid off the flour and stuck their fingers in it. I wonder who that was.
Jude: I would guess, me.