After I screamed for Lauren to come get rid of a giant spider I almost stepped on with my bare foot this morning, the boys spoke up in defense of spiders.
Ezra: I like spiders.
Jude: I like spiders too. Know what I like about spiders? I like dere legs and dere mouf.
Ezra: I wish I had a pet spider.
Jude: I wish a spider would sit in my hand.
Ezra: I wish a spider would walk on my back. I bet it would feel like a massage.
Jude: I wish a spider would get me toys.
Ezra: I wish a spider would drive me to the toy store!
Jude: I wish a spider would turn on the TV!
Ezra: I wish a spider would read me books!
Jude: I wish a spider would get me candy!

At a restaurant, Jude kept standing up and looking at the people on the other side of our booth.
Me: Jude, stop doing that.
Jude: Why?
Me: Because they might want some privacy.
Jude: People don't need privacy. People like each other.

Ezra: Tag! I tagged the rock! The rock is it!
Jude (to me): Remember: rocks don't have arms.

Me (singing in the car): We got frozen yogurt [clap, clap], we went to the park [clap, clap], we're going to Tunnel Vision [clap, clap], and then we'll go home [clap, clap].
Ezra: What is that song?
Me: I just made it up.
Ezra: How did you make it up??
Me: Because I'm a musical genius.
Ezra: No, you're a musical PENIS. Ha ha!

Ezra: Mommy, how many days 'til my birthday?
Me: [sigh]
Ezra: Okay, how many weeks?
Me: About eight weeks.
Ezra: So how many days?
Me: About 56.
Ezra: 56 days??
Me: About.
Ezra: So that's about, like, half a week?
Me: [sigh]