Jude: What I don't get about Santa's Helpers [Elf on the Shelf] is why do people get them? If they know they sneak around the house and stuff? One girl in my class, they found theirs on the rim of the toilet.

Ezra: Aren't donkeys like horses, but not as good?

Me: I have 9,667 steps, so I need 333 more.
Jude: Free hundred firty-free. Free frees. Free free free.

Me: What's your tool for exhibition night?
Jude: A tape dispenser.
Me: How does a tape dispenser work?
Jude: No spoilers.

Ezra, looking for a gift tag for Jude's present: Is there one that says "with love"?

Ezra: My bracelet is bent here. See?
Me: Well, leather is a natural product, so it's going to have some imperfections.
Ezra: What's "imperfections"?
Me: Things that aren't perfect.
Ezra: What is leather?
Me: Cow skin.
Ezra: ....like, when a cow dies, they dig it up and use its skin?  Like, when it dies of old age?

Ezra: Oh, Jude, you'll like this: one of my teachers brought her dog to school and he walked around and sniffed all the kids.
Lauren: What kind of dog was it?
Ezra: A beagle and something mix.
Jude: What did it feel like?
Ezra: What?
Lauren: Like, was it soft like Sammy, or kind of wiry like Buster?
Jude: No, that's not what I'm asking.  What did it feel like to have a dog in the classroom?