Jude: I'm ready for wiping! ... My butt looks awesome, thank you!

Jude, playing with Magformers: Look, I made a mama bird and a baby bird!
Lauren: Nice!
Me: Isn't that sweet? [sotto voce] Isn't that nice? Nobody's kicking anybody in the face or anything...
Jude: And this is a meteorite.

Jude: Oh my goodness sakes.

Ezra: Do you want to play Paw Patrol?
Jude: I would love that! Genius! Genius! You're a genius, Ezra!

Jude, putting his hand in front of Ezra's mouth: Bite me. Bite me, Ezra, then I bite you.

Jude: Give me your chin so I can kiss you on the lips. I want to sleep in your bed. ... What's a pedipus?

Jude: Nooo! I don't wanna go potty. Sammy says I don't have to go potty.

Jude’s Story

Once upon a time there was a war. And then they didn’t watch TV every day, they just battle every day. And they don’t wear diapers, they just went potty every time. And also they didn’t watch TV, but they only used machines to battle. And also there’s good guys helping them battle. And also they do something good. Also they save heroes. And they have guitars and they have hammers. And they always have fingers. And they can shake hands. And they love jaguars. And they love space people. And they drop their stuff on the floor.

The end.

Ezra, coming out of his bedroom ten minutes after he's gone to bed: Mommy, I had a good dream and I had to act it out, and now my bed is not that neat.

Me: Ezra, why are you rubbing the table?
Ezra: I'm pretending to be a DJ.