I was just listening to NPR in the car and there was a story about the NRA's recent press conference and Ezra asked, "What are they talking about?" I said, "They're talking about how many people should have guns, and how hard or easy it should be get th--"
"I know how many people should have guns. Zero."

Ezra: What's elementary school?
Me: It's kindergarten through 5th grade.
Ezra: What's 5th grade?
Me: After kindergarten, there's 1st grade, then 2nd, then 3rd, then 4th, then 5th.
Ezra: Like they just keep on going?
Me: Yep, you go through 12th grade, and then you graduate from high school, and then you can go to college.
Ezra: But after all of those schools I'm not feeling like going to college.

Jude: I wanna wipe nose on Buster.


Jude: Wipe Sammy. Sammy wet.
Me: Why is Sammy wet.
Jude: I wipe nose Sammy.


Jude: Hold me. I wanna wipe nose on Mommy.

Jude just walked in holding a little box of toys and saying, "It's cake, Mommy, it's cake, it's cake, it's cake!"
"Can I have some?"
"No, it's hot."
And then he left.

Ezra and Jude acting out some scenario with their toys:
Ezra: "I'm the stinkiest person in the whole world!"
Jude: "Me too!"

Ezra: Mommy, have you seen my minja?
Me: I put it on top of the dollhouse last night.
Ezra: Well it's not there. The strangest things have been happening.

Jude: Mommy go potty? I wanna sit. Wipe? Wipe? One more time? All gone?

The beagles were playing the other night in the R-rated way that dogs do and Jude exclaimed, "Backwide! Backwide!"

Jude just opened the 12th door on his advent calendar that has a piece of milk chocolate behind each door and exclaimed, "CHOCIT!! Try it, dere GOOD!" (He was talking to himself. I was definitely not being invited to try his chocit.)

I was looking at pictures of the mother-son dance at Lauren's brother's wedding with Ezra and he asked, "Can we do that?"
"What, dance at your wedding?"
"Yeah."
"Of course we can. What song should we dance to?"
"Old McDonald."
So we slow-danced around the den to Old McDonald.

Ezra just held up a gingerbread boy and said, "Hey, did I do this one? It looks great, like me." I guess preschoolers don't have self-esteem issues.

Ezra: Did you know pirates are old people who don't wear life jackets on the seven seas?

While trimming the tree:
Ezra: Mama, you did a great job on some of it!
Lauren: I did a great job?
Ezra: On some of it.
Lauren: Thank you.

Ezra: I like when I look in the mirror with my superhero underpants on. I look great great great!

Lauren was changing Jude's diaper yesterday and poop had come out the back and gotten all over his pants, which were in the hamper. Buster came in and tried to eat them, and Ezra told him, "They don't taste as good as they look."

Ezra: People in other countries think we're speaking Spanish.

Me, walking in to the sounds of yelling and crying: Why are you guys fighting? Ezra: I'm not fighting, Jude just knock my boat down. Me: Then why is Jude crying? Ezra: He's crying because he's sorry. Mm-hmm.

Ezra: What's a election? Me: It's when we all vote to choose who's going to run our country and make the rules we all follow. Ezra: What about stop at red lights and go at green lights? Me: I don't think that's going to change. I don't know anyone running on a traffic light reform platform.

Ezra was playing trains and said in his announcer voice, "You never know which way a train will go." Lauren: "That's what I love about trains."

Ezra made a smiling ghost out of paper at preschool and has been playing with it all day. He told me, "Mommy, I love my ghost so much. I love it as much as Jude. As much as outer space and superheroes and robots!" And that's a lot.

After Kelley babysat the other night: Me: What did you and Kelley talk about? Ezra: We talk about what we like to eat at Cracker Barrel. Me: What does Kelley like to eat at Cracker Barrel? Ezra: Chicken, or dead birds.

A friend of ours babysat this evening, and she said that Ezra told her he liked Cracker Barrel, and she told him she liked Cracker Barrel too and asked if he ate the chicken and dumplings. He said, "You mean like a dead bird? I would never get that."

Ezra: I don't like listening to Jude's happy noises while he's playing with the new toys.

Me: Hey, Ezra, whatcha doing in the pantry? Ezra: I'm just playing, not touching glass stuff.

I just slammed my finger while putting Ezra's clothes in his drawer, and Ezra offered some helpful advice: "Uh, Mommy, when I do that, I just put my fingers on the brown part*, that's how I do it." *the drawer pulls

Both boys woke up well before dawn, and I put them in bed together and told them to try to go back to sleep (not because I thought it would work, but because I thought it might buy me two minutes). A minute later, I heard Ezra in there cooing, "I love you Jude. I just really love you all day. You're my funny baby. Oh yes you are, oh yes you are, oh yes you are!"

Ezra came down the hall pulling the laundry basket behind him to show me a fresh abrasion on his back. Me: How'd you get that? Ezra: I was using this for a boat, and it fell off the bed. Me: You fell off the bed? Ezra: No, this fell off the bed, and I was on it.

Jude came running down the hall crying and saying "hand!" I asked, "Did you hurt your hand?", but don't worry, he didn't--it was just covered in poop.

Jude made up a new joke. Jude: Knock knock. Me: Who's there? Jude: Banana. Me: Banana who? Jude: Tickle tickle tickle tickle tickle tickle!

Ezra went with me to drop off C & N's wedding photos and when we left he asked, "Do they have any kids?" "Not yet, but I bet they might pretty soon." "At Jude's birthday?" [October 9] "No, not that soon." "When we go to Granny's?" [October 26] "No, it takes a long time to have a baby." "When me and Jude are grown-ups?"

While I was getting Ezra dressed in his pajamas, he asked, "Can I get a night cap to wear to bed?" "I don't think so." "Why not?" "I don't think anyone's worn those in a hundred years." "Did you and Mama have them?"

Jude just threw all of Ezra's stuffed animals off the bed over Ezra's fervent protests. When I asked him, "Jude, did you hear what Ezra said? He doesn't want you throwing his stuffed animals," Jude grinned and said, "Monkeys jumpin' on da bed!"

Me: Do you want to look on the computer for pictures of bedrooms that we both like?
Ezra: Well, I want to do something that's not boring.

Me: Jude, do you want milk or water?
Jude: Milkwater.
Me: Do you want milk, or do you want water?
Jude: Milkwater.
Me: Do you want water or milk?
Jude: Watermilk.

Ezra just pulled my knife sharpener out from underneath Jude's dresser, exclaiming, "I've been looking all over for this!," which explains everything you need to know about the state of my house.

Ezra: I just made a Q with my poop.

Ezra: I'm bored.
Jude: I'm bored too.

Aw, Jude just said his first "y'all": "Ezwa, where are y'all?"

Ezra: Why do they make slippers that look like cars?
Lauren: Because they know that kids like cars.
Ezra: Boys like cars. Girls like flowers.
Lauren: Well, some girls like cars, and some boys like flowers.
Ezra: Well, boys like things that are cool, like cars and superheros, and girls like things that are pretty.

Jude has a stuffy nose. I gave him a flower to smell and he pointed to his nose and said, "Doesn't work. Doesn't work, Mommy."

The sound of Jude watching The Lion King:
"Cat! Cat! Other cat!"

Reading National Geographic Kids:
Me: "...where he spotted a type of spider monkey previously thought to be extinct."
Ezra: Yuck. P.U.
Me: What? Because I said "extinct"?
Ezra: Yeah.
Me: "Extinct" is when a kind of animal has all died out, like the dinosaurs went extinct a long time ago.
Ezra: But if something died a long time ago, sometimes they stink.

Ezra: I need help wiping!
Jude: Okay, I be right there!

Jude used to wake up in the middle of night crying for me, then a month ago he started hollering "MOM-MAAAY!", then last night I woke up to him calling, "Mommy, I want to nurse please."

So no progress on the weaning front, but the breastmilk does seem to be improving his vocabulary.

Ezra and Jude were watching Sesame Street. One show was ending and I handed Ezra the remote to start the next one and went back to the next room to read. After a couple minutes, I noticed it was still silent in there, so I went to check, and Ezra had accidentally turned the Roku off and they were watching it slowly start back up. I said, "What happened?" and Jude said, "Brother need help."

Every time in the last couple days that I tell Jude it's time to do something, he holds up four little fingers and says, "FOUR minutes."

Ezra: Mommy, French is a language?
Me: Yeah. You want to hear somebody speaking in French? [start typing in youtube.com]
Ezra: Actually, I speak French.

Last night, I gave Ezra a glass of milk and he said, "Mmm! Milk is my favorite drink. And you know what my favorite animal is?...Cows!" I said, "You know that's soymilk, right?"

New friend: What's your name?
Ezra: Ezra, I guess.

I just lit a 3-wick citronella candle outside and Jude asked, "Happy cake?," which is his word for birthday.

Ezra: Stop talking! You're getting on my nervous.

I was reading the boys a book, and they were sitting on either side of me. Jude said, "Where brudder?...DERE! Dere brudder!...Tickle brudder!" and wiggled his little fingers. I said, "Ha! If you want to tickle him, you'll have to get closer than--" and Jude launched himself across my lap and slammed Ezra flat on his back. They both cracked up and I said, "That wasn't a tickle, that was a tackle!"

Jude: Fae part day? Fae part day, park.
Me: Your favorite part of the day was the park?
Jude: Yesth.
Meagan: Aww!
Me: Meagan doesn't know that you say that everyday, whether we went to the park or not. I think my favorite part of the day was going to the pool
Jude: Part day, park, part day, pool.
Meagan: My favorite part was going to the pool too. That was fun.
Jude: Part day, fun.

Jude: Monkeys jumpin' bed! Doc'ah say, "NOOO!"

Ezra: Mama, will you play with me?
Lauren: Okay.
Ezra: Mama, will you pretend to be Jude? I like to play with Jude. He walks like this [waddle, waddle] and he talks like this: "Ba ba ba ba."

Upon finishing Jack and the Beanstalk last night:

Ezra: But why the giant die?
Me: Because he was chasing Jack, so Jack cut down the beanstalk and the giant fell and died.
Ezra: But why he was chasing Jack?
Me: Because he wanted his magic harp back.
Ezra: Why Jack take his magic harp?
Me: Um, I guess, because he...wanted it. ... I guess he stole it.

I'd never realized that Jack and the Beanstalk was the story of a thief who, when pursued by his victim, murdered him. Kinda puts a different spin on things.

Lauren: Ezra, do you want to go for a walk?
Ezra: We can't take a walk every day.
Lauren: Why not?
Ezra: Because it's cancelled.

Ezra was watching Toy Story while Jude napped this afternoon, and when I came in to check on him, I found him engrossed in the movie, naked from the waist down, standing beside his pants and underpants and a puddle. When I asked what had happened, he said that he'd had to pee and couldn't reach the remote to pause the movie, so he had taken his pants off so he wouldn't wet them.

Me: Jude, what do you want to drink--water, juice, or milk?
Jude: Cheese.

We recently stopped by Ezra's friends Max and Tommy's house to pick up a bike, and Max and his mom had a stomach virus. Tonight, I was telling Ezra his bedtime story, and I asked who should be in the superhero story, and he said, "Me and Jude and Max and Tommy, and Max and Tommy can throw up at the bad guys."

Ezra on natural history: Dinosaurs lived all over the world, and then one day, they turn into bones and go in the ground.

Ezra on geography: Mommy, in Africa, they don't have any water, but they have lots of fruit, so they can just stick straws in the fruit and drink water that way. They're really thirsty. Mommy, in Australia, they don't have paint and paper, so they can just get a paintbrush and paint on the fruit.

While I was flossing Ezra's teeth, Jude kept trying to stick a toothbrush in his mouth, saying, "Brother, teeth." Then he'd sing "D, E, R, A," (his version of the ABCs), and when he was done, he said, "Spit!"

Ezra: Mommy, are crocodiles real?

Jude when I tried to put him to bed: No. Mama do it sleep.

Ezra, hugging Jude: Night night, Jude.
Jude: Night night, Jude.

Jude, going for the sun visors: Hat! Hat! Baby look cute.

Ezra (drinking pink lemonade): There's something kind of strange. Every time I take a drink, I feel like I'm floating.
Me and Wanda: Pass that around!

Ezra: I can smell the ocean!
Me: What does it smell like?
Ezra: Pee.

In Ezra's preschool exit interview, he said his favorite color was rainbow and his favorite animal was aliens. :)

Me: What did you do at Bible school?
Ezra: We draw pictures of God.
Me: What do you think God looks like?
Ezra: I think God is a part of the whole wide world.
Me: Did you learn that at Bible school?
Ezra: I don't know. Some of my friends think God is just a person, but I think God is the whole wide world.

Unhappily going to bed by himself.
Ezra: Oh man oh man oh man oh man. Nobody will sing me a song. This is going to be a bad night. This is going to be the bad night ever.


(Don't feel too sorry for him. He already had a book and two stories and two songs.)

Me: Ezra, eat your broccoli cheesey bites; they're good.
Ezra: No they're not, they bite!

Ezra: I can't go to sleep by myself 'til I'm 21!

Ezra showed a friend his new Leappad, saying, "This is my hopboard!"

Me: Let's go back and see what Jude's up to.
Ezra: I think he's playing with the toilet paper.
Me: He very well may be.
Ezra: Jude say, "Go, toilet paper, go!"

Me: Ezra, this is the last DragonTales episode we're going to watch, because it's not educational.
Ezra: Yes it is--it teaches you about dragons.
Me: But dragons aren't real, so that's not actually educational.
Ezra: Yes they are--they just live in the woods.

Ezra put us all through his superhero machine, and we came out as follows: Ezra, Animal Saving Man; Jude, Spiderman; Me, Goo Girl; and Lauren, the tooth fairy. We decided she yanks villains' teeth out, then gives them dollars.

Ezra (putting his shoes on): Mommy, is this the right feet?
Mommy: Yeah, that's right.
Ezra: Say, "That is correct."

Ezra: Mommy, I want to have a meeting.
Me: Okay. What do you want to have a meeting about?
Ezra: I want to have a meeting about dinosaurs.

As we were getting in the car this afternoon, Ezra urged me to "make wind in the car." I assume he was referring to the air conditioning, since people don't usually beg me to make wind in the car.

Me: ...and we can see if they have any robot invitations for your birthday party at Target.
Ezra: But, Mommy, I want a penguin party. What about a robot penguin party? Like, penguins that are robots?

Ezra (flushing the toilet): Bye-bye, poop and pee! See you at the ocean!

Ezra: I have a sore throat.
Me: Aw, I'm sorry.
Ezra: Mommy, why when people say "I have a sore throat," people say "I'm sorry," even though they didn't do it?

Ezra: Mommy, did you know worms are nice?
Me: Yeah, I guess they are.
Ezra: Because they bring air?
Me: That's right, they bring air to the dirt.
Ezra: And because they're gentle?
Me: Yep.
Ezra: And because they don't bite?
Me: That's right.
Ezra: And because they let people watch them climb trees?

Ezra: Jude say, 'When I grow up, I want to be a baby!"
Me: Ha! I think I want to be a baby when I grow up, too.
Ezra: You can't be a baby!
Me: Why not?
Ezra: Because you was a baby, and then you was a little kid, and then you turn into a grown-up, and then you turn 55, and then you dive [die].

Ezra: Okay, Mommy, I want to paint some pachines [machines] and you cut them out. First is a pachine that finds people's shoes and holds them out for them. Then first is a pachine that fixes stoplights. Then first is a pachine that figures out what God is and tells everybody.

Me: You want to go to church in the morning?
Ezra: No, I want to go to Granny's church.
Me: Granny doesn't go to a church.
Ezra: Yes, she do. The church where she eats breakfast.
Me: What?
Ezra: The church where she eats breakfast, and there are two swimming pools, a hot one and a cold one, and...
Me: That's a hotel.

Milli, Ezra's best friend, is moving and their preschool teacher is making her a book and including what every kid likes about her. She called today and asked for a quote from Ezr, who was in a pissy mood.

Me: Why is Milli your friend?
Ezra: Her not my friend, I'm just Milli's friend, but I don't want to be 'cause I don't like her.

You think she should put that in the book?

When I mentioned a friend was having another baby:
Ezra: But I want another baby. I want another baby! We need another baby to be Jude's friend.

When I mentioned that a friend was moving:
Ezra: I want to move! I want to move. Because I don't like our yard. Because they're too many trees in it, so when we play chase, we run into trees.

Ezra: Ben at preschool says bad words, like "stinky butt."

Ezra: Let's dig up some worms and keep them as pets.

Ezra: Mommy, guess what I did? I cleaned the bathroom with Jude's toothbrush!

Opening our Easter cards from our grandparents.
Ezra: Mommy, look I got a dollar! I got a dollar!
Me: I got a dollar, too.
Ezra: You know what we could do? If we put our dollars together...we could both put them in my piggy bank!

Lauren: Do you want to put your feet in the creek?
Ezra: You go first, in case there are sharks.

Ezra: Mommy, me and Jude have lots of star stickers, so you can have a star when you make furniture. If you build something really hard. If you do a really good job, you can have a sticker on your shirt for a badge.

Ezra: Let's play pretend story hour--you get to pick the story.
Me: Jack and the Beanstalk.
Ezra: You mean The Three Little Pigs?

Ezra: Mommy, those shoes [heeled sandals] look like dinosaur feet.

Ezra: Do you know what it's called when someone watches a baby and a big boy?
Me: Babysitting?
Ezra: No--bothsitting.

Here's a partial list of Hard Questions Ezra has asked me in the last few days.

1) What happens when we dive [die]?
2) What is God?
3) What is the sky made of?
4) No, what food is the sky made of?
5) Why is mayonnaise called that?
6) Where did outer space come from?

Ezra's been big on eschatology lately. He also pronounces "die" as "dive," so anyone overhearing our conversation would assume he was talking about water sports. Recent conversations include:
Ezra: Who was your brother?
Me: I don't have a brother.
Ezra: You used to have one, but he dived.
Me: No, I never had a brother.
Ezra: Yes you did.
-----------
Ezra: Who are your cousins?
Me: I have lots of cousins. There's Wade, --
Ezra: But he dived.
Me: No, he didn't.
----------
Ezra: Noah went to a store and there was a bad guy and Noah dived him. I don't know what store.
(Personally, I think Noah's full of shit. I don't think he's ever dived anybody.)

Ezra: Mommy, let's run some errands before we go to the hotel.
Me: You mean church?
Ezra: Yeah. Church is another word for hotel, and hotel is another word for church.
Me: I don't think we have any errands to run this morning.
Ezra: The room looks like you like it?
Me: Well, I'm not done decorating it, but the house definitely looks better than it did when we moved in--it feels more like home.
Ezra: You can say that again.

Me: Meagan might be moving to Australia.
Ezra: Why?
Me: Because her boyfriend lives there.
Ezra: Because her love him, and sometimes she get sad at home because he's not there?

Ezra: I wonder what Milli's baby is gonna be called. Maybe Milli's mom can ask him when he comes out.

Me:...The little dog laughed to see such sport, and the dish ran away with the spoon.
Ezra: What about the dish ran away with the dish?

Indeed.

Per a parenting book I read, I've taught Ezra that when Jude hits him or does something else hurtful, he should tell Jude that he doesn't like it. But often from the next room I hear:
Ezra: Jude, I don't like it when you hit me! OW! I don't like it when you hit me! Jude, I don't like it when you hit me! OW! I don't like it when you hit me, Jude! OW!
And Jude's just going whappity whappity whappity.

Ezra: Mommy, why do I love Milli and Milli love me?

Ezra: Mommy, why you don't grow babies anymore?

Me: Look at this great picture your friend drew for you! It says it's a picture of you.
Ezra: But that doesn't look like me. That looks like a dragon.

Look who's talking, Rembrandt.

Ezra (holding letters to his preschool teachers): I'm going to get lots of letters! Maybe Jen and Karis will send me dollars!
Me: Honey, you shouldn't ask people to send you dollars. I know Granny and Mema sometimes send you dollars in the mail, but that's just because they're family.
Ezra: No, they're not our family.
Me: Yes, they are. There's what's called "immediate family," or "nuclear family," and those are the people that live in our house--you, me, Jude and Mama. Then there's "extended family," and that includes your grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and everybody.
Ezra: Oh. Are Katie and Blake my extended family?
Me: Yes, they are!
Ezra: Do they send me dollars?

Me: Look, the seitan came out of the oven.
Ezra: All by itself?

Ezra: Mommy, Sammy's kind of like a superhero, because he looks out for things while we're away.

Ezra found me holding an ice pack to my face.
Ezra: Why you doing that?
Me: Because Jude threw a book at my face and it hurt.
Ezra: What book was it?

Ezra: Mommy, Jude is the cutest little baby in the whole world. Because he say baby words all day, and it sound really really cute.

Ezra's writing letters to his preschool friends this afternoon, and I'm transcribing. My favorite so far reads, "You're my best friend. Come over to my house and share my puppy. Please send me a valentine and a dollar."

Ezra: Mommy, I'm gonna show you my rad moves, and then you can do my moves next time you go dancing.
Me and Lauren: Ooh! Good one! Nice move!
Lauren: I'll dance with you, big guy. [leans over and starts swinging her arms]
Ezra: Uh, Mama, that's kind of creepy.

One of Ezra's valentines came from the class bunny.
Me: I didn't know bunnies sent valentines. Do you think he made it himself?
Ezra: I thi-ink.
Me: How did he hold the pen?
Ezra: With his paws. And then he hold the scissors with his other paw, and then he glue it down, and then he send it to me.

Ezra: Mommy, I love you.
Me: Aw, I love you too, sweetheart.
Ezra: Can we write valentines to both of us?

Jude's learning the parts of his face, and this morning he was touching his nose and saying "nose?" and Ezra started touching his own nose and saying, "Mouth. Mouth." until Jude touched his nose and said, "Mouth?" I told Ezra to quit messing with him.

Jude kept standing in the dining room chairs, and I kept telling him to sit down and taking him out of them, then he started climbing the back of a chair, and I ran in there and grabbed him and said, "Jude, no! You're going to get hurt!" and Ezra said, sympathetically, "It's hard to have a little baby."

Ezra was hiding under a quilt on the floor and Jude and I pretended to look for him (I guess Jude really did). Then I stepped out of the room for a second, and when I came back in, it seemed both boys were hiding under the quilt, so I walked around calling in a sing-song voice, "Eeeezzzrraaaa? Juuuuuudde? Where aaaare you?" And then from the other end of the house I hear, "Mooommmeeee??" "Jude?? Where are you??"

3 minutes into playing with playdough.
Ezra: Look, I made a penis!

Ezra: It gonna be a long time 'til I get married?
Me: Yeah, baby, it'll be a long time. Grown-ups get married.
Ezra: Oh.
Me: Who are you gonna marry?
Ezra: Nana.

Me: Which bank do you want to put your dollar in? Save, to save up for something big, spend, to spend next time we go to the toy store, or give, to give to someone who needs it?
Ezra: Um, give, to give it to the toy store.

On the way back from the mailbox, I dropped a scrap of paper, and Ezra picked it up.
Me: Thanks for picking that up for me.
Ezra: Yeah. I did it 'cause I don't want us to be bugs.
Me:...what?
Ezra: To be litterbugs.

Ezra and I were almost done with an alphabet project, and he wanted to watch TV.
Me: Do you mind if I finish up this project myself?
Ezra: Yeah, I think you can do it 'cause you're a big girl.

After I named some of Jude's favorite words (no, wawa, ball, no, block, no, nuss!), I asked Ezra what some of his favorite words were.
Ezra: I like medium words, like 'thank you,' 'please,' 'hungry,' 'sleepy,' and 'Can I watch a TV show while Jude takes a nap?'

I made Ezra a spend/save/give bank, and tried to explain it to him.
Me:You can give money to the church, orto buy food for people who need it, or...
Ezra: I want to give money to the church that look like a skyscraper.
Me: Baby, any church that looks like a skyscraper doesn't need your money.
Ezra: No, that church skyscraper that we spend the night in and go to the 'quarium.
Me: That was a hotel.

Ezra: Mommy, when Jude gets bigger, is the next baby going to be a boy or a girl?

Ezra: Mommy, I was born first, right? I was born first, then Jude.
Mommy: That's right.
Ezra: But where did you come from?
Mommy: I grew in Nana's belly, and then I was born.
Ezra: But where did the first Mommy come from? She didn't come from someone's belly.

Ezra: Mommy, I was born first, right? I was born first, then Jude.
Mommy: That's right.
Ezra: But where did you come from?
Mommy: I grew in Nana's belly, and then I was born.
Ezra: But where did the first Mommy come from? She didn't come from someone's belly.

Ezra: Mommy, I made you a puppet! This is his eyes, and and this is his nose, and this is his mouth, and this is the back of his eyes, and you put your hand through his brain.

Ezra, Lauren, and I settled down to watch Toy Story 2 last night and when Lauren offered Ezra some popcorn, he said, "Ooh, did you get that from the hospital?" (where she sometimes brings home food from the doctors' lounge). It was his second dig on her cooking skills that day, although I don't think either of them was intentional.

Me: You haven't been potty in a long time. Do you have to pee?
Ezra: Um, are you talking to me or yourself?

Me: ...and that's how you swaddle babies.
Ezra (alarmed): Why people swallow babies??

Ezra, making his stuffed animals talk to each other: I don't like when you do things I don't like.

Ezra's new year's resolutions:
1) "To try to dance better. Because now when I dance, it's kind of boring."
2) "To get tattoos on."
(...like the temporary robot tattoos Santa brought him.)