Jude, after taking a bite of nori: "That tastes like a napkin."

Ezra: I know! We can make the scarecrows' heads out of lemon oil.
Me: Lemon oil?
Ezra: Yeah, lemon oil!
Me: How do you know what lemon oil is?
Ezra: Duh, you let me and Jude play with it!
Me: What? I don't remember that.
Ezra: You know, we made boats with it and stuff!
Me: ....ooohhh, aluminum foil.

Jude: Ha ha ha!
Me: Ha ha!
Ezra: What is it?
Me: Jude just tooted. Didn't you hear that?
Ezra: No, I didn't hear it.
Jude: I can do it again.

Me: I read that grapes and raisins are poisonous for dogs. Who knew?
Jude: Uh, hellooooo? You knew.

Ezra: How hot is your body?
Me: Usually about 98.6 degrees.
Ezra: I was asking Mama. Because she's a doctor.

Jude: When you eat a worm, a worm come out your butt.

Jude: Hey Mommy, check my foot to see if it's wet.
Me: Is it wet?
Jude: Yes it is! I licked it!

I was just eavesdropping on the kids talking in their bedroom behind a closed door.
Ezra: Step 1: Clean the playroom.
Jude: Yeah!....uh, I mean, no.
Ezra: Step 2: Make beds.
Jude: Then...go to the Dollar Tree!
Ezra: No. Step 3: Make the room.
Jude: Then go to the Dollar Tree!
Ezra: No, then get our money.
Jude: Then go to the Dollar Tree.
Ezra: No. We go to the Dollar Tree later when Mommy takes us. You know who won't let us go to the Dollar Tree? Mama.
Jude: Bleh!
Ezra: Mama won't let us go to the Dollar Tree.
Jude: Bleh!

Me: What's wrong?
Ezra: Jude hitted me and I'm just not having a really good life so far.