Ezra: Mommy, you're not letting it snow!
Me: I'm flattered that you think I control so much, but I don't make it snow.
Ezra: But Mommy, you got to let it snow like in the song!

Ezra: Mommy, I like these shoes because they're brown like muffins.

Ezra, upon walking into the living room on Christmas morning to find a giant cardboard playhouse Santa left: What's this? I want to open some presents.

Ezra: I don't want sauce in my lasagna! I like cheese and pasta, but I don't like sauce.
Me: It's all mixed together.
Ezra: Mommy, are you telling me the truth?
Me: Yes, it's the truth.
Ezra: I don't want lasagna. I want something I can eat in a bowl.
Me: You can eat your lasagna in a bowl.
Ezra: No, I don't want lasagna. I want something else I can eat in a bowl.
Me: You're not having cereal for dinner.
Ezra: No, something else I can eat in a bowl. Like yogurt.
Me: Fine, you can have yogurt with your lasagna.
Ezra: Mooooommmmmmyyyyy, I don't waaaaaaant lasaaagnaaa! Moooommmyy, pleeeease don't put lasagna in my yogurt!
Ezra: Mommy, why are you laughing? Mommy, stop laughing at me!
Five minutes later.
Lauren: Ezra, did you have a nice Christmas?
Ezra (drips yogurt on table): What?
Lauren: Did you have a nice Christmas?
Ezra (licking yogurt off table): Uh, yeah.

Ezra: Mommy, your choice is, do you and Jude want to play in my room now, or after you eat breakfast?

Ezra: Mommy, can we play the ABC game just a little bit?
Me: All right, for a few minutes.
Ezra: Mommy, your choice is yes.

A little girl at The Tree House convinced Ezra to play prince and princess with her, and was bossing him all around, saying things like, "Now you ask me to go to the ball," and they played together for maybe half an hour, until I realized that the little girl was playing at the play kitchen by herself, and I couldn't see Ezra anywhere. I found him in the back room, sitting at a little table and looking morose. I asked him what he was doing, and he said, "Um, just having dinner." Sure enough, a minute later the little girl brought him the play food she had been cooking and they sat down to dinner and played for another hour.

Ezra's letter to Santa reads:
"Dear Santa,
I love you.
Dear, Ezra"

Me: Jude, I bet you'll like this ball--it's little and squishy, like you!
Ezra (bringing me another ball): Here Mommy, this one's big and squishy like you!

We went to the Grove Park to see the gingerbread houses with Ezra's BFF Millie this afternoon, and they were really cute, "reading" the map together and walking down the halls holding hands. When it was time to go, Millie was crying, "I don't want to go, I want to stay here and play with Ezra." We parted ways and I told Ezra, "Millie didn't want to have to leave you, but you'll see each other tomorrow at preschool," and Ezra said, "Yeah, I know Millie loves me."

Ezra: Look, Mommy, a star! Just one star. Where are the other stars?
Me: That's just the first one. There's a rhyme: "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight." What would you wish for?
Ezra: I wish for more stars.

Me: ...and there are going to be video games at the party tonight!
Ezra: You think I can play video games?!
Me: Yeah, you can play video games.
Ezra: Yay! I can't wait to play video games!....Mommy, what are video games?

This evening's tantrum brought to me by the cool Christmas stickers Mema sent Ezra, which change their picture when you tilt them. Ezra doesn't understand the concept and thinks I broke them.
Ezra: ‎"No, don't shake them! I want them back the way they were when Mema sent them! You can't shake other people's things!"

Me: What songs should we sing to Sammy?
Ezra: Well, Sammy likes Christmas dog songs, like, "Hey! I don't see my dog, I only see a ghost that looks like a dog!"

Ezra: Some people put bugs in their eyes, but we don't.

Several minutes after Ezra had declared himself finished with dinner, Jude dumped out Ezra's bowl of rice and started eating it, causing Ezra to cry in protest that it was *his* rice, and no he didn't want more rice, he wanted his rice back. Lauren and I told him that he really didn't want it back, but he insisted, so I put a full bowl of rice to Jude's mouth and said, "All right Jude, give the rice back," and pretended that he vomited it back up. Ezra was satisfied that justice had been done, but cried for me to wash it, so I took it to the kitchen and ran some water. Finally assuaged, Ezra ate his (presumed regurgitated) rice.

Last night I had a stomach virus and couldn't stand to cook dinner, so the kids' dinner was a veggie burger that I microwaved until it was too hot, then put in the freezer to cool off until it was too cold. Ezra raved about it.
Ezra: "Mmmm, I like veggie burgers! Yummy in my tummy! You make a good dinner, Mommy!"
Me: ...thanks. Are you being nice to me because I'm sick?
Ezra: Mommy, I always be nice to you.

Ezra: Mommy, you know what shape this is?
Me: Uh, an X?
Ezra: Mommy, X isn't a shape.

I was reading Ezra a picture book version of the Christmas story, and when we got to the page with the shepherds standing on top of a hill at night, Ezra whispered, "Mommy, those are bad guys."

Ezra (on wanting to wear his pajamas in the car): People that don't eat animals, when they go on long trips, they just wear their pajamas.

Mema: What does Ezra call Lauren's mom?
Me: Granny.
Ezra: I don't call her Granny, I call her Vickie.

Ezra: Mommy, you know Vikings are a kind of animals that talk.

Me; Dinner's almost ready. In the meantime, you can have your salad.
Ezra: Mommy, it's meantime right now?

Ezra (singing): The rat take a crocodile, the rat take a crocodile, hi-ho, figettio, the rat take a crocodile.

Ezra went into his room at 7am, where he was silent for ten minutes. When he came out and I asked him what he was doing, he said, "Well, I was just thinking about my bad day. Because I want to watch Curious George and you won't let me."

Ezra (on the dinosaur from Toy Story): Mommy, that dinosaur can talk. Now I know only dinosaurs can say "roar," but that dinosaur can talk like real people.

Me: Look, that new building's really coming along!
Ezra: What?
Me: I said, "Look, that new building's really coming along!"
Ezra: What?
Me: Look, that new building's really coming along.
Ezra: What?
Me: I'm not going to repeat everything I say!
....
Me: I'm sorry I snapped at you. That wasn't a nice tone for me to use.
Ezra: What say?
Me: I'm sorry I snapped at you. That wasn't a nice tone for me to use.
Ezra: What say?

Me: Jude, get back here!
Ezra: Mommy, why you dripping milk in my room?

Ezra: Mommy, look, I'm smelling your belly!

Jude Says

Jude's newest word:
uh-oh (interj.): 1) I threw something, 2) I am about to throw something, 3) I dropped something, 4) You dropped something.

My newest word:
uh-oh (verb)
E.g., "Look out, your wineglass is about to get uh-ohed."

Me: Let's go for a walk and see if we can see the bear.
Ezra: But what about the bear scare Jude?
Me: I'm just kidding, we won't really see a bear. They're only out at night.
Ezra: But what about Mama saw a bear?
Me: Yeah, she saw one one morning, but that was so early in the morning that it was kind of still nighttime.
Ezra: But I got up early in the morning.
Me: Yes you did. Did you see a bear?
Ezra: Well, I saw a bear penis.

Ezra: Mommy, you know what? I got to watch out for dinosaurs when I'm on the floor with Graham.
Me: How come?
Ezra: So they don't scare Graham.

Ezra: Mommy, Jude hit me.
Me: He's probably still too little to understand, but you can tell him, "Jude, I don't like it when you hit me."
Ezra: Jude, I don't like it when you hit me. ... I don't like it when you hit me. ... Jude say, "I don't understand you."

Ezra: You know everytime I go potty I think about my day.

Ezra: Monkey, your mommy is going to have a baby!
Monkey (through Lauren): Am I going to have a baby brother or a baby sister?
Ezra: Ooh, you going to have a baby brother AND a baby sister! Your mommy has two babies in her belly. Baby seed makes babies. The baby grows in the mommy's belly, and then the baby comes out, PSSSH! (motions with hands flying away from belly)......it's kind of...scary.

Ezra has started using "walk the plank!" as an oath, like the preschooler version of "go to hell." For instance:
Me: Jude, do you have a stinky diaper?
Ezra: Jude say, 'I don't have a stinky diaper! Walk the plank!'"

Ezra: Mommy, Jude's gonna be a baby all day?

Me: What's your favorite kind of candy?
Ezra: Farties.

Ezra: I hear a sound, it sounds like this: "Woooooooo."
Me: I wonder what makes that kind of sound?
Ezra: I'll tell you what makes that sound. It was a lion and a tiger and a dog and a beaver and a snake and a turtle.

On the toilet.
Ezra: Mommy, I toot to get all the fart out of me.

Filling out a family tree.
Me: What's your Mama's name?
Ezra: ...Mama.
Me: What do other people call her? What do I call Mama?
Ezra: Dr. Livingston.

On the way to preschool, Ezra told me, "Nolan doesn't come to preschool. He has spots on his body." I asked who told him this, and he said the teacher did. I explained about chicken pox and said that might be what he had, and Ezra said, "He has spots on his body from yogurt." "From yogurt? Why doesn't he just wipe them off?" "I don't know." So we got to preschool and I asked the teacher, "Fact or fiction--Nolan can't come to school because he has spots on his body. Does he have chicken pox?" She looked surprised and said that Ezra must have overheard her talking to Nolan's mom about some spots in his mouth and how they thought he might have a dairy allergy. Also, unrelated, he had a virus and was home from school.

Ezra was really upset during our picnic and wanted to leave right away for the balloon festival. George tried to distract him by pointing out an airplane in the distance.
Ezra (crying): Weeelll, that is something kind of cool, but it's time to go to the hot air balloon festival.

On the way to Charlotte.
Ezra: Mommy, Mommy, you know what? You're going the right way!

Ezra: Mama, if you want to sleep with me, you have to finish your carrots.

Ezra: Last time, you and Mama and Jude went to the top of the mountain, and I stayed here with Granny 'cause I didn't want to go.
Me: When you were a baby, Jude wasn't around yet.
Ezra: Why?
Me: He was just born last year, remember?
Ezra: Yeah, I realize that.

Me: Time to brush your teeth and go to bed.
Ezra: Can I have a muffin first?
Me: Okay, you can have a muffin.
...
Me: All done? Let's brush your teeth.
Ezra: Mommy, after we brush my teeth, I want a snack.
Me: A snack? You just had a muffin.
Ezra: That wasn't a snack, that was 'ssert.
[dessert]

On a toy phone.
Ezra: Hello, this is Ezra! Whobody is talking to Ezra on the phone?

Lauren: What did you share at preschool today?
Ezra: Preschool is a place where kids and teachers and grown-ups and babies can play and open their lunchboxes.


We hereby nominate Ezra to give the Magic Attic commencement address.

As we were checking out at the grocery store, Jude was smiling and laughing at the cashier.
Cashier: He's a flirt! He's going to be a ladykiller.
Ezra: No! He's not a caterpillar!

In our bathroom, by the toilet.
Ezra: What's this?
Me: That's a phone jack, where you could plug in a phone.
Ezra: Then you could call somebody and say, "Hello, I'm on the potty."

Ezra (to me): You know what you need? You need a backpack. And a preschool with teachers and big grown-ups to play with, and beer and sweet potatoes.

On the way to preschool.
Ezra: We going to Magic Attic? That the name of my preschool?
Me: That's right; this is the Magic Attic Express! All aboard! Next stop, Magic Attic. Choo chooooo!
Ezra: Mommy, actually, this is our car.

At Katie's house, Ezra was sleeping on an air mattress on the floor in the room where Lauren and I were sleeping. He woke up, so I got on the air mattress with him. Fifteen minutes later, he heard a baby crying and said, "Jude's crying!"
Me: I think that's Graham crying upstairs.
Ezra: NOOOOO! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! [kicking and flailing]
Me: Ezra! Ezra, shhh! What's wrong?
Ezra: NOOO MAMA! I want Mommy with me!
Me: Ezra, this *is* Mommy.
Ezra: [stops crying] Oh.
Me: Did you think I was Mama?
Ezra: ...yeah.
Lauren: That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Ezra: Is my preschool on facebook?

Pulling in the driveway after a trip to the grocery store to get Lauren's birthday cake.
Ezra: Can we have some cake now?
Me: No, we'll have it after dinner. We have to wait for Mama to come home, because it's her birthday cake.
Ezra: [laughing] Mama's home now!
Me: No she's not!
Ezra: [laughing] Yes she is! She park in the garage!

Ezra: You hit the ball with the bat, and I catch it.
Me: Okay, here it comes.
[miss by 5 feet]
Ezra: Actually, I'm over here.

Ezra has his finger in his mouth, scratching at his teeth.
Me: Something in your mouth?
Ezra: Just a booger.
Me: Yuck, don't eat boogers.
Ezra: I trying to get it out, but it stuck on my teeth.
Me: ...Gross.
Ezra: Maybe later I won't eat a booger.

6:40am, back in my bed.
Ezra: Mommy, you're my best friend. I really love you so much.

6:30am.
Ezra: I can't sleep in my room 'cause Sammy was lickin' me all over.

Ezra: Are Sadie and Deacon best friends?

Ezra: Mommy, I sick. I think I need to see the doctor.
[note: not really.]
Me: Well, let's take you to the doctor. Dr. Lauren, this little boy feels sick.
Lauren: Well, let's take a listen to your heart. Hmmm....I think you need to be....TICKLED!
Ezra: HA HA HA HA HA!
Ezra: No, Mommy, I mean a real doctor.

In the sandbox at the playground with another toddler.
Ezra: Mommy, I building a sand castle.
Me: Maybe this little boy can help you build the sand castle.
Ezra: I think I got it, Mommy.

Ezra: I wish I could be a mommy.
Me: Girls are mommies and boys are daddies, but daddies can do just about everything that mommies do.
Ezra: Drink beer?

My favorite Ezra-coined word these days is "whobody," as in "Whobody turned out the light?"

Ezra heard an instrumental version of Turkey in the Straw and said the lyrics were, "There's poop in your ear, there's poop in your ear, there's poop in your ear, and then you wash it out."

Tonight, Ezra wanted to write letters to some family, so I transcribed them for him. Not to ruin the surprise (we'll mail them tomorrow), but here they are:

"Dear Uncle Blake,
It's for his birthday, but it's a secret. Happy birthday, Uncle Blake!
Love, Ezra"

"Dear Katie,
Katie say, "ooh, Ezra send me a card!" Ooh, Katie starts with the letter K--K makes a "kuh" sound--kuh, kuh, K!
Love,
Ezra"

"Dear Granny and Papa George,
Dear Papa George,
Dear Granny,
Dear them.
Love, Ezra"

"Dear Papa,
It's for Papa's birthday. Happy birthday, Papa!
Love, Ezra"

"Dear Nana,
Mommy, I think that's all.
Love,
Ezra"

Ezra (playing with thermometer): Mommy, is it all right if I take Jude's temperature?
Me: No.
Ezra: Why?
Me: Because you might hurt him if you put the thermometer in his mouth.
Ezra: No, I going to put it in his butt.

Jude was crying in the car and Ezra was annoyed.
Ezra: Knock it out, Jude! Knock it out! Knock it out! Knock it out!

Ezra: I want to be a grown-up. I want to be a nice daddy.

Ezra: I want you to draw the ABCs. I can't draw the ABCs, I can just draw abstract things.

(We officially have a new favorite vocabulary word.)

Lauren: You had fun playing chase with that little boy.
Ezra: We didn't play chase, we just play abstract things.

Bedtime.
Ezra: I need to rest because my feet are tired. I need a sleep pachine [machine]. A sleep pachine help you go to sleep.

(Lauren and I would also like a sleep pachine, after being up with Jude from 9:30-1 last night.)

Ezra: I wish I could watch TV.
Lauren: You can watch TV later.
Ezra: I wish it was later now.

Me: Time to go feed Meagan's lizards.
Ezra: Meagan's lizards feed us when we were lizards.

Ezra's Uncle Zach arrived at Ezra's 3rd birthday party with his girlfriend, Victoria, whom I'm met once or twice, and when I entered the room, Ezra took my arm and said to Victoria, "This is Keri Beth."

At Granny's house.
Ezra: I'm having granola! It's not an animal, it's a cereal!

Ezra didn't want to take off his wet pants after an accident until Lauren convinced him he had to put on "pizza-eating pants" to eat dinner. While the pizza was being delivered, Lauren put Jude to bed.
Ezra: Where Jude?
Me: Mama's putting him to bed.
Ezra: But the pizza not here yet!
Me: That's okay, Jude doesn't have to have pizza.
Ezra: But Jude have his pizza-eating pants on!

After a potty training accident of the stinky variety.
Me: Ezra, why didn't you tell me you had to go potty?
Ezra: I thought it would be a surprise.

Me: Ezra, let's go to Target!
Ezra: Ooh, your feet are dirty.
Me: Yes they are.
Ezra: Maybe we get you some socks at Target.

Nana: Who's your best friend?
Ezra: Jude.

From back in December:
Ezra: "See Jude face? See Jude little tiny face? Jude say, 'Ezra watch TV!'"

Me: We need to get Ronan a birthday present.
Ezra: How 'bout a jack-in-the-box?
Me: How about a book? I like to give people books.
Ezra: I like to give people jack-in-the-boxes.

This one's not Ezra, but Lauren took the boys at the park the other day and another 3-year-old asked her, "Do you know where my Daddy is?" Jude giggled, and he said, "Is he laughing at me because I don't know where my Daddy is?"

Ezra: Look Mommy, more kids are coming to the park! More mommies too! Maybe you can ask the mommies if they want to talk to you.

Ezra: A, B, C, R, O, T, S. What that spell, Mommy?
Me: It spells abcrots, but that doesn't mean anything.
Ezra: It's abstract?

Ezra's favorite joke this morning is to blow raspberries on my butt and yell, "You're farting!" I think he would have tired of it already if Lauren would quit laughing.

On the way back from the park, 11am.
Me: I want a tall glass of water.
Ezra: How about a tall glass of wine?