December 28, 7am: Jude starts sobbing when he suddenly realizes he didn't get a jaguar for Christmas.

Me: Jude, what's your favorite vegetable?
Jude: Macaroni cheese.
Me: Macaroni and cheese isn't a vegetable. What's your favorite vegetable?
Jude: Chips.

Cashier at the grocery store: What's your name, cutie?
Jude: Jude.
Cashier: And what do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?
Jude: A jaguar.

Me: Jude, quit messing with Sammy or he might bite you.
Jude: Yeah, I want Sammy to catch me and bite me!
Me: No you don't. It would really hurt. He might make you bleed.
Ezra: He might bite your leg off.
Jude: No he not!
Ezra: He might.

Jude wanted to take us to see his imaginary house where he lives with his imaginary friend John, both of which he's been talking about for weeks. We walked up and down the street a bit, but he didn't see it, and then he told me, "I really need the car."

Jude's jokes fall into two categories: nonsensical knock-knock and statements that aren't true, both of which are preceded by "I got a joke for you." Yesterday we parked at the Y and I put him in his coat and hat for the walk into Child Watch, but he didn't want to wear his hat, so I put it back in the car. He said, "I not wear my hat 'cause the babies grab it." "Do the babies grab your things?" "Yeah. ... I got a joke for you. I like babies."

Jude: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Jude: Butt.
Me: Butt who?
Jude: You butt. Now laugh.

Jude: How is that a grocery store?
Me: I don't understand the question.
Jude: HOW IS THAT A GROCERY STORE? YOU NOT LISTENING TO MY WORDS!!

Looking at old photos.
Jude: What's in Mommy's belly?
Lauren: That's baby Ezra.
Jude: Mommy eat Ezwa?!

Ezra: I'm okay with peeing in my pants. It keeps me warm.