Ezra: I think Jude wants to get an allowance too.
Me: Jude, do you want to do chores to get an allowance?
Jude: What allowance?
Me: Allowance is when I give you money every week.
Jude: What chores?
Me: That's where you do helpful things around the house, like cleaning up.
Jude: No.

Allowance negotiations:
Me: So if you make your and Jude's beds and clean your bedroom every day and clean the playroom once a week on the weekend, then you'll earn $5 a week.
Ezra: I just don't think that's reasonable. I think maybe $6 would be reasonable.

Ezra: Mommy, I learned that phones have a lot of diarrhea.
Me: ...what?
Ezra: ...or germs.

Jude: I'm still hungry.
Me: What do you want for a snack? Maybe some watermelon?
Jude: No. I want something I never tasted before.
Me: How about a vegetable?

Me: You want to play outside until it's time to go?
Jude: No. You have bad ideas. ............. You have bad ideas, unless [he means "except"] you're a good mommy.

Ezra: Mommy, I figured out that when you're in 1st grade, you're not that happy that much anymore.

"The end of everything is the worstest part." -Ezra