Ezra, making French toast: "Mommy, a piece landed on the side of the pan!"
Me: It's okay.  Just knock it off with the fork.
Ezra: But I don't want to electrocute myself!

Ezra: Mommy, would you rather have one hand completely soaked, or both hands a little damp?

Me: We haven't played Uno in a while.

Jude: Actually I've played it.

Me: When did you play it?

Jude: With Buster and Sammy but it didn't kinda work. I was basically playing against myself.

Me: Did you eat breakfast?
Ezra: I had some Chick-Fil-A corn.
Me: .....what?
Ezra: Oh!  I mean cornflakes.

Ezra: I'm done.
Thank you note reads: "Dear Grandpa and Alice thank you for the money. -Ezra"
Me: Ok.  Ha.  Let's add something else besides "thank you for the money."  Like, "hope to see you soon," or "I love you."
Jude: "I like money, so thank you."

Me: 25 minutes left in the party, guys.
Keenan: Do you want to play everybody gets a sword and tries to kill everybody?
Ezra: Why can't we just have a miniature chess tournament?

Jude: Some kids found funderbugs at school!
Me: Thunderbugs?  What's a thunderbug?
Jude: Some people call them fireflies.